His heart things

by Sheila Nabigon-Howlett

It took me years to divest myself of my late husband’s things. First his clothes – easy, to Goodwill. Then the books, personal papers and art pieces to his children. One piece of clothing did give me pause, his old 1950’s style wooly hat, grey and smelly with age. I actually hated that hat when we were courting, feeling it belittled him – he who had such a brilliant mind wearing an old-fashioned workman’s hat. But as I grew more in love with him, the hat was part of the deal too. I kept it in my old tin trunk where I keep off-season clothing and a few keepsakes. Then one Christmas I knew exactly who to give it to: his grandson Daniel, visiting from Salt Spring Island at the Warsaw family farm - Daniel, Floyd’s first grand-son, musician and lover of the land with an expansive heart and a devil-may-care attitude to fashion. He greeted me a year later, on Salt Spring at the ferry proudly wearing his Grandpa’s old grey hat.

But now I have to get rid of the banner. What to do with a decrepit homemade banner from a couple of die-hard social justice activists? Three separate slightly moldy fabric squares: “Peterborough - Coalition for - Social Justice”. As handmade banners go, it’s pretty run of the mill: green felt trees overhanging the blue felt Otonabee River, felt hands, black, brown and pink reaching for each other over the sacred drum, multicolored felt stick-figures - us, Floyd’s friends and colleagues doing what we always do, holding placards and being the message.

It’s an old banner, the group no longer exists; a banner with no intrinsic value: its worth lying only in the memories of the now scattered Peterborough justice-warriors. Maybe a prayer of remembrance and gratitude before consignment to the garbage can? Who made it anyway? Not Floyd. He couldn’t draw a straight line, he used to say. But his words, his authentic walking the talk, that shot an arrow straight to the heart of his listeners.

The first time I saw Floyd in action he was forming this Peterborough Coalition for Social Justice. The CUPW guy who wielded tons of union goodwill set up downstairs in the (old) Public Library on Aylmer Street. Floyd schmoozed with the activists, then he organized us. Soon after that the banner appeared, hundreds of people Walked, Wheeled and Rode to Queen’s Park for $12 an hour; the banner appeared at Labour unions and CUPE demos; health care was nurtured and Floyd continued to wear his old gray cap. I think I’ll keep the banner for the moment; maybe Daniel will come east again. Maybe we’ll have a winter ceremonial burning of the banner at the farm.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner -Patrice Wilde

At the time the pandemic hit, it quickly became clear that Social Circle activities were becoming more important. Our members were looking for more ways to interact while being locked down. Since April 10th of last year, we’ve been hosting the Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (GWCTD) evenings on Zoom. GWCTD (usually) happens every 2nd Friday evening from 6:00pm to 8:00pm with great success.

The first half of our dinner is reserved for chatting and getting caught up with each other in smaller break out rooms with a relaxed conversation among the participants. During these conversations we’ve found out some interesting facts about other members like some of us are raising chickens...in the city! Everyone has a story to tell and despite not being together, we are getting to know each other better.

In the second half of our GWCTD dinners, we are treated to music provided by Arthur Herold, Mathew Ingram and, on occasion, Al Slavin. Arthur and Mathew have shared their musical talents and widened our musical knowledge through introducing and re-introducing us to some of their favourite music by John Prine, The Eagles, Bill Goodman, Neil Young and many others. The rest of us stay muted and sing along.

These events have a side benefit in inspiring us to try a new recipe and/or share it while we eat “together”. Our most recent recipe hit has been the “African Peanut Stew,” that Bruce and Lyn Kitchen shared on the #recipes channel on Slack. Becky Ingram’s cornbread and chocolate Valentine’s cake have also been hits.

Ideas for evolving this event are always percolating and, with fresh new members in our Social Circle, we are already relishing the new voices and perspectives we are hearing. One idea being discussed is to pick a recipe and have everyone cook it and eat it together during the dinner. We’re always open to new ideas, so if you have any you’d like to share, drop us an email at social@kawarthacommons.ca

The next Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner is scheduled for March 26th, 6:00pm to 8:00pm, on the same zoom channel. It can always be found on KCC’s Google calendar. If you can’t make it to both the dinner and music, feel free to come to either one, or whatever time you can. We hope this article has piqued your curiosity to come and chat and listen to some great music!

A Poem
For me, at this stage of my life, this poem makes an obvious fact poignant. It's something I'm reflecting on during the quiet of winter and Covid.
-Linda Herold

LOSS
You will lose everything.
Your money, your power, your fame, your success, perhaps even your memory.
Your looks will go.
Loved ones will die.
Your own body will eventually fall apart.
Everything that seems permanent is absolutely impermanent and will be smashed.
Experience will gradually, or not so gradually, strip away everything that it can strip away.
Waking up means facing this reality with open eyes and no longer turning away.
Right now, we stand on sacred and holy ground.
For that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realizing this is the key to unspeakable joy.
Whoever or whatever is in your life right now has not yet been taken away from you.
This may sound obvious but really knowing it is the key to everything, the why and how and wherefore of existence.
Impermanence has already rendered everything and everyone around you so deeply holy and significant and worthy of your heartbreaking gratitude.
Loss has already transfigured your life into an altar.

Jeff Foster

Equity Member – Stew Holland
The following article was written and provided by Marg and Stew

Stew was an only child whose parents were first generation off the farm. His father was a jack-of-all trades with a real creativity for building with what was available at the time. Stew followed in his footsteps with urban self-sufficiency, working on his car and house maintenance. Stew’s parents were committed community members of The Rebekahs, a branch of the Independent Order of Odd Fellows. His mother was a committed member of the Havelock United Church and took Stew with her to many of the activities. Stew played an active role in the church choir and was the treasurer for Sunday School. Singing in choirs is something he still enjoys and is missing in these pandemic times.

The Havelock Red and White grocery store was owned by Linda Slavin’s parents. Becoming friends with Ted (Linda’s brother) played a large role in Stew’s growing years. The connection with this family played a role in Stew’s desire to have more than one child. Ted’s father encouraged Stew to consider the Marine Engineering course at George Brown College, which was the start of his professional career. Becoming a part of KCC has reconnected him with Linda Slavin.

The four-year Marine Engineering course was a combination of theory and co-op learning. During co-op placements, and in a short contract on the BC coast, Stew had opportunities to meet fellow Marine engineers. He realized that the life style of being separated from his bride-to-be and future family was not for him. His education enabled him to get a position with Ontario Hydro for three years.

A yearning for an adventure led Stew to studying Horticulture for 2 years at the University of Guelph. It was during this time his son Tim arrived. Stew went back to working as a Stationery Engineer for a short stint at St. Joseph Hospital and then at the provincial prison in Guelph.

The opportunity to work as group home parents in the Ottawa Children Assessment Centre resulted in Marg and Stew moving to Ottawa and being group home parents for 18 months. This gave Stew a real experience of what a busy house could be. He was employed at the National Research Council in a low temperature lab at the same time.

In late fall of 1977, Marg and Stew purchased their second home. The arrival of daughters Heather and Karla completed the family unit. It was during these early years of family life that his determination was applied to independent study. Stew achieved his first-class ticket in Stationery Engineering.

In 1984, the family moved to Kingston where Stew had an opportunity to work as a Chief Engineer in Collin Bay Institution. He became a volunteer fireman in Kingston West to expand his knowledge of fire safety because he was the institution Fire Chief. Two and half years later he transferred to the CFB Kingston. The realization that supervisory positions weren’t his cup of tea took him to Bath Institution as a front-line worker until retirement in 2008.

In 1999, Stew experienced a late life psychosis. Research and consultations with professionals from traditional medicine, nutritionists, psychiatrists, and alternative doctors resulted in getting a diagnosis of mercury poisoning. This is unique, as many individuals are not affected by mercury and/or lead.

The support of alternative procedures such as chelation and prescribed nutrients have drawn some mercury from Stew’s body. Stew had all his mercury amalgam fillings removed, which provided some improvement. Recent testing has shown that these heavy metal levels are higher than normal, however, he is managing in these pandemic times. A gluten free diet, an exercise program and routine sauna are all part of daily life. Stew keeps his body flushed with a 3 liters of water per day. The Art of Living breathing meditation also plays a role in the path to improved health.

Stew has many interests that fill this chapter of his life. He enjoys a community garden and has met others in the Peterborough area who would like help with their gardens. Music fills the soul; he sang in two choirs before the pandemic. He is looking forward to singing with the KCC group sing-along. Stew is interested in sustainable building and is excited about being involved and learning more at KCC. He is involved in taking part in Bridges Out of Poverty and has an interest in social justice and climate change.

The pull to Peterborough was the gift of knowing he would be part of the lives of his four grandchildren. He walks his granddaughters to school and home most days, which gives exercise and purpose. Having connection to these young lives makes up for all the challenges of downsizing and moving into a 770 square foot apartment. He is ready for the KCC build.

Introducing… Heather Steeves

You might think Heather is a shy person, but you would be wrong. She is usually outgoing and can meet and start talking to anyone. You wouldn’t know it from Zoom, she says, because she lets Karen talk (Karen is the articulate one, she thinks). She has 2 hearing aids that sometimes don’t pick up some things and she can’t think that fast sometimes. But shy? No.

Heather was born in Albert County near Moncton, NB. The Steeves name is a storied one there. Her ancestors (named Stief) came from the German/Austrian border and had gone to Pennsylvania. In the 1750’s, with the forced expulsion of the Acadians, the British wanted to repopulate the area and Heinrich Stief answered the call. He had 7 sons and one of them became a Father of Confederation. It is said that, if you want to live long, you should move to Albert County because if you visit all the cemeteries, you will see that only Steeves die down there.

Heather is the eldest of 5 children. She went to a Baptist Christian High School. She went to university in Fredericton to do a 4-year nursing program and graduated in 1968. She knew she couldn’t work in NB because she couldn’t speak French. (NB is the only bilingual province in Canada.)

Her first job was in community nursing. Things were lax in those days. She was visiting NS and she phoned the director of Public Health in the morning to ask if she had any jobs, had an interview in the afternoon and brought no resume. The director said, no problem, she knew the director of her nursing school. She’d phone her. The director sent Heather to the Yarmouth area. Voila, first job. Heather said the head nurse in Yarmouth was amazing; she made a good nurse of her. After 3 years, she became team lead public health nurse in Digby. She enjoyed her job immensely and learned a lot. She did that until 1979.

She decided to apply to the Baptist Mission Board. There was a lot of preparation before going overseas. They sent her to a Spanish language school in San Jose, Costa Rica where she lived with a Costa Rican family for 1 year. It was a good experience; it definitely wasn’t like home. At first, she walked around having no idea what people were saying. It taught her she wasn’t so smart or so great; that a white person comes with baggage and needs to be curious, listen and learn.

Further preparation sent her to Liverpool, England to study tropical medicine for 4 months. Heather trained there with medical people who were being sent all over the world. They were taught a ton – but the most important was that all the medicine in the world would not help when a community needed a road – that alone would increase the standard of living; mothers would not die in childbirth at the same rate, babies would not die. The lesson? Don’t think you know everything and get the road built if that’s what’s needed.

She was sent to Oruro, Bolivia in the mountains right on the border of Peru. The team gave immunizations, encouraged communities to obtain potable water, use better hygienic practices and traditional medicines. She had culture shock 6 months in. “Culture shock is not something you want to deal with very many times in life”, she says. She was the only expat on the team; the rest were nationals who could speak 2 or 3 languages. They protected her; they told her when she shouldn’t speak and they would do all the talking, especially with police or government agents. She served there 3 years.

Heather left because she got very sick there. She recovered after a few months and, later, was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and she couldn’t go back. When she started to get a little bit better, the Baptist Church wanted to start a volunteer program at the National level. This was her introduction to Volunteer Management in Canada. She and her coworkers set up the protocols, policy development, job descriptions, contacts across Canada and in other countries. They kept trying new things to help Canadians understand other cultures, make new friends and nurture their faith.


She left that position because she and Karen, whose marriage had broken up, found each other. Heather says she knew she was a lesbian and trying to come to terms with it. It was hard because it was so anathema to that section of the Christian world; her salary depended on the Baptist church, so she knew she would “be screwed” if they found out. A friend she had confided in outed her to the Executive Director, with whom she had been clashing on everything anyway. She also told her mother who said, “I don’t know a lot about being a lesbian, but I know you and I love you and I trust you.”

By this time, she was an Anglican; she and Karen had left the Baptists – though they do keep ties with many of them. She found work as a Congregational Development Consultant for the Anglican Church and did that for 13 years. She retired in 2015 at age 67. She says she is a workaholic, loved meeting people, and did not look forward to retirement.

Right now, Heather is not doing so well she says. She is realizing how disconnected she feels. She is seeing a gerontologist for her memory problems. Alzheimer’s, or some kind of dementia, runs in both sides of the family. Karen does a lot of the heavy lifting for Heather; she is grateful for Karen’s patience.

Heather and Karen enjoy their 4 grandchildren. Two are in Peterborough; one is just over a year old, the other in junior kindergarten. The other two are in Milton and are teenagers who are past the awkward stage and they are able to have interesting conversations.

The foundation in their Toronto home, which they have lived in for 10 years, was cracked by the construction of a condo built next door. Insurance is paying for them to move out while it’s being fixed; it could be 6 months or more. They are now looking to rent in Peterborough to see what it’s like to live there and to be close to family.